hair

"you ask whether your verses are any good. you ask me. you have asked others before this. you send them to magazines. you compare them with other poems, and you are upset when certain editors reject your work. now (since you have said you want my advice) i beg you to stop doing that sort of thing. you are looking outside, and that is what you should most avoid right now. no one can advise or help you -- no one. there is only one thing you should do. go into yourself. find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write. this most of all: ask yourself in the most silent hour of your night: must i write? dig into yourself for a deep answer. and if this answer rings out in assent, if you meet this solemn question with a strong, simple "i must", then build your life in accordance with this necessity; your whole life, even into its humblest and most indifferent hour, must become a sign and witness to this impulse."
-rainer maria rilke

when there's a burning in your heart...

i've talked for months about how i'm "making moves" and "figuring out" the next step in my life. well i've finally made some concrete steps in that direction. instead of baseless speculation and hope, i know that something will change for me at this time next year. it's been a lot of work to get to this point, and i have some more hard work to go, but it's exciting. it's just that after a year and some change of being in a situation where i'm always unsure about what's happening next, it's pretty cool to be in a position where i KNOW change is coming -- i don't know all the exact details yet, but i have a pretty good idea of what comes at the end of all this.

i feel like i can't put into words all the things i've been feeling for the past few months. but at some point, when something is burning inside you, when there's something out there that you love with all your heart and that you feel passionately about, you can't let the fear continue to keep you out of the game. and i figured out that i love this so much more than i'm afraid of failing at it. that's the best i could do. these dudes did it better than me: